I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
name was Russell.


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
‘cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
‘Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got the nailer back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Bloodhounds shall cruise rendezvous
Break curfew new trip ensues
You never know Bloodhounds just go
Pack backpack up for down the road
No change of clothes but change for tolls
Pack of No-Doz Rolos and Skoal
Old Milwaukee Jolt black coffee
Sugar Daddy Rand McNally
A pack of jacks those orange Tic-Tacs
Glen Miller tracks roll of Kodak
The phantom black stacked Pontiac
Hot rod dual quads and in the back
Is the beat keeper big ass speaker
Jumbo woofer rumble tweeter
Dial is turned and there it's stayin'
The next day where Stern is playin'
You got your Jesus on the dashbord but the devil's under my hood
You're taking it down legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none
You got your Jesus on the dashbord but the devil's under my hood
You're taking it down legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel

I-95 eight lanes wide
Midnight drive take a ride
Alongside east coast tide
Getting high so am I
Bloodshot red eyes from the fumes
I consume engine zoom then engine boom
Then enging glow erupt and blow
And overflow like volcano
So far to go but can't turn back
Cheap tobacco cup of black Joe
Fuelin' my body jumstartin' my soul
Set my mind on cruise control
You got your Jesus on the dashbord but the devil's under my hood
You're taking it down legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel

24-7 Truck Stop Plaza
Turn off headlights turn on hazards
3 A.M. is when I gazed
Eyes glazed I'm dazed and then I fade
To black now were back
'On The Road' like Kerouac
Down the turnpike high rate of speed
Up all night like Gilbert Gottfried
You got your Jesus on the dashbord but the devil's under my hood
You're taking it down legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel

The following Public Service Announcement is
brought you by an intoxicated homeless man.

Try throwin' your socks in the trash,
before they got the holes in the feet

Sponsered by Bloodhound Gang Hate Club Local Number 138

Coo coo ca choo baby you that's what you are
You are a hollywood star you're the high priestess by far
And you know this tune's for you we call it coo coo ca choo
And it's a very brief description of the things we could do to you

You were looking at me I was looking at you
Coo coo ca choo coo coo ca choo
You were looking at me I was looking at you
Coo coo ca choo now what ya gonna do

Oil me up quick miss daisy before I'm lubing up your tailpipe
Or the bedposts will be a knocking and a knocking 'til the break of light
Raised and dazed in a million and one ways
Like a Morton coffee roll I want you hot and glazed
So you're the real thing baby you're Parkay you're not butter
Gonna have to get you home and lube you up with fluff-n-nutter
Scope it scope it baby looking so fit
Playing games and laying dames you know I know you know it
Now you're quick to get the condom you know the Jimmy's gonna fit you snug
Lean you against the fire place and ride you on the bear skin rug
Chow down my Ding Dong come and sing along
Slip a grip around my tip and then you'll be my Klingon
Yeah in my sweat pants you're gonna see my erection
Ooh oh pick a de pop pop perfection
Umpla dumpla dippedee do
Cause I'd never leave the house if mommy looked like you

You were looking at me I was looking at you
Coo coo ca choo coo coo ca choo
You were looking at me I was looking at you
Coo coo ca choo now what ya gonna do

Butter up butter cup did ya think it'd really last long
My attention span hutches when you wake up know that I'll be gone
Cocoa butter beach blonde wearing that thin thong
You know I got a thing for you it's only an inch long
Now I'm picking up your signals like a TV station
I'm looking for the channel to have immoral applications
Looking so fine Cosmo behind
Fermentation of time like Reunite wine
Well I'm bubbling up and steaming like an active volcano
I think I clogged up all your pipes better get yourself some Draino
I get annoyed cause I can't avoid
Baby sounding like a mongoloid
I gots the skills to keep ya busy all night
If you do not bite I hope you blow like dynamite
Happy thanksgiving would you like a little white meat?
I'll stuff my Butterballs and you eat

You were looking at me I was looking at you
Coo coo ca choo coo coo ca choo
You were looking at me I was looking at you
Coo coo ca choo now what ya gonna do

Yo Bloodhound Gang and Rob Van Winkle together on this track

Stop as we drop this bomb
Blow up this place like another Vietnam
Heavy like a Tyson blow to the dome
Back up son give me room give me room
To set it off like this don't give it up
I'm all up in you till you just can't get enough
Real hard to the bone you want more
I sneak up on you like a sniper at your back door
Phat flavor for your brain you know the time
So check the wrath it's for real I'm gonna get mine
Roll up on you like Eastwood
Blowing up fifteens as I'm riding through your neighborhood
I spreads butter like Parkay
Real smooth with flow and even when I parlay
Do what you feel and check the skill
I'm in your grill peep this I got the raw deal
In your Jeep Grand Cherokee or Land Cruiser
When you're rolling through the hood you want to use a
Track like this all up in your eardrum
So check the E.Q. and let them speakers hum
And gets crazy like Prozac
Hype enough to start a party and illy as a heart attack
Round one round two knockout
Straight to your head my round never lights out
Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee
Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee a

Jimmy Jimmy y'all Jimmy damn Jimmy yea
Gimme the mic Rob so I can take it away
Got more lines than the welfare office
Are you upset you'll never get to be as clever as this?
Spreadin' quicker than your mom have a feel but don't cop it
Yea I stole your beat but that's cause you dropped it
Crude as oil unrefined but slick
I'm gonna get you from behind like a gay convict
Cause my name ain't Quasimodo but I still got a hunch
That like the Jim Jones cult I'll take you out with one punch
You're Spiro Agnew and I'm the Dick you answer to
You're sweating like a watermelon at a Baptist bar-b-cue
Sneaking up like celery yeah I'm stalking
I squeak like Stephen Hawkings yeah but I'm walkin'
Nose to ground so this Bloodhound will sniff and follow it
I hope you choke on your pride when I make you swallow it
Screaming like a Mimi when you see me coming near you
Like a Kenny Loggins' record no one's ever gonna to hear you
Like a game of hide and seek it's all over if I see ya
Cause your yellower than tinkle and you'll be running like diarrhea
Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee
Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee a

Potent is the flow which is wicked sick
So hos of those that pounce bounce slow on the dick
Potent is the flow which is wicked sick
So hos of those that pounce bounce slow on the dick

I don't give a shit about celebrity
But motherfuckers did ya happen to see who's here? me
The bottom feeder at the top of the food chain
Frontin' from the back of the line on some dude named
After car parts that as fast as a spark hitting gas
Starts a fire gets wired from barbs that
Cut like a jalapeno popper fart
Burnin up an asshole that once riped apart
Punched hard but it ain't like i ever cared if i went
Too far as stitches left scars from more clowns bent
Outta shape than the cirque du soleil ever had so
Though he throws his weight around he's still in my shadow
In the dark so he doesn't know his girl remarked that i make her
Laugh on the inside but i can hear it later
With my dick as her other cunt gets screwed
In the process i got to get hot chicks nude

The payback is cum in fools' circles if it's
Those turnin' on those turnin' on the bitches
The payback is cum in fools' circles if it's
Those turnin' on those turnin' on the bitches

Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i fuck the sides up
Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i fuck the sides up

Potent is the flow which is wicked sick
So hos of those that pounce bounce slow on the dick
Potent is the flow which is wicked sick
So hos of those that pounce bounce slow on the dick

Thanks to you bitches i got more screams
Than david arquette's resume what that means
Is my job involves getting' mobbed like john gotti
Dressed to kill like i'm gianni versace
But i gotta be so when a gimp limps back for more
In a huff like that fat kid that had sat out for
Every gym class due to his asthma that wore
One correctional shoe but still passed that i swore
I spotted at the smorgasbord sprintin' for seconds
That i reckon ain't as sloppy as the leftovers gettin'
Me clocked by blocked cock pissed my tryst with his missus
Got her panties in a bunch just like his is
That my face between her legs? because that could be
What convinced this dick getting' hard i'm a pussy
But if that were my name i would have autographed her breasts with
Motherfuckin' dollar signs instead of s's

The payback is cum in fools' circles if it's
Those turnin' on those turnin' on the bitches
The payback is cum in fools' circles if it's
Those turnin' on those turnin' on the bitches

Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i fuck the sides up
Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i fuck the sides up
Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i fuck the sides up
Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i fuck the sides up
Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i fuck the sides up
Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i fuck the sides up

Ha-ha. Well now, we call this the act of mating. But, there are several other very important differences between human beings and animals that you should know about.

I'd appreciate your input.

Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes I'm Siskel yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns
Comin' quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means small craft advisory
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide B-5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle
And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"

Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

Every time I think that
I'm the only one who's lonely
Someone calls on me
And every now and then
I spend my time at rhyme and verse
And curse those faults in me

And then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
Then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
And does she want to give me kicks and be my steady chick
And give me pick of memories
Or maybe rather gather tales from all the fails and tribulations
No one ever sees
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

When vague desire is the fire
In the eyes of chicks whose sickness
Is the games they play
And when the masquerade is played
The neighbor folks make jokes
At who is most to blame today

And then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
Then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
And does she want to set them free and
Let them see reality
From where she got her name
And will they struggle much
when told that such a tender touch of hers
Will make them not the same
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

And when the morning of the warning's passed
The gassed and flaccid kids
Are flung across the stars
The psychodramas and the traumas gone
The songs are left unsung
And hung upon the scars

And then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
Then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
And does she want to see the stains?
The dead remains of all the pain
She left the night before
Or will their waking eyes reflect the lies
And make them realize
Their urgent cry for sight no more
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

Every time I think that
I'm the only one who's lonely
Someone calls on me
And every now and then
I spend my time at rhyme and verse
And curse those faults in me

And then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
Then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
And does she want to give me kicks and be my steady chick
And give me pick of memories
Or maybe rather gather tales from all the fails and tribulations
No one ever sees
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

When vague desire is the fire
In the eyes of chicks whose sickness
Is the games they play
And when the masquerade is played
The neighbor folks make jokes
At who is most to blame today

And then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
Then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
And does she want to set them free and
Let them see reality
From where she got her name
And will they struggle much
when told that such a tender touch of hers
Will make them not the same
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

And when the morning of the warning's passed
The gassed and flaccid kids
Are flung across the stars
The psychodramas and the traumas gone
The songs are left unsung
And hung upon the scars

And then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
Then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
And does she want to see the stains?
The dead remains of all the pain
She left the night before
Or will their waking eyes reflect the lies
And make them realize
Their urgent cry for sight no more
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

Ha-ha, well now, we call this the act of mating
But there are several other
Very important differences
Between human beings and animals
That you should know about

I'd appreciate your input

Sweat baby, sweat baby
Sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff
That only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants
And I bet you'll feel nuts
Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert
And you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch
You want it rough, you're out of bounds
I want you smothered, want you covered
Like my Waffle House hashbrowns
Comin' quicker than Fed Ex
Never reach an apex
Just like coca-cola stock
You are inclined to make me rise an hour early
Like a daylight savings clock

Do it now

You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

Love, the kind you clean up
With a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt
Only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be pacific
I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion
That the motion of your ocean means
"Small Craft Advisory"
So if I capsize on your thighs
High tide B-5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on
I'm Mr. Coffee
With an automatic drip
So show me yours, I'll show you mine
"Tool Time"
You'll Lovett just like Lyle
And then we'll do it doggy style
So we can both watch "X-Files"

Do it now

You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it now
You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

hey there sissy
what you got in your mouth sissy

I know you're gonna blame me when you get wind
I heard you're full of shit so i've been duped again
But if you cover your ass with the same old song
You might as well be farting farting with a walkman on

I know you're gonna blame me when you get wind
I heard you're full of shit so i've been duped again
But if you cover your ass with the same old song
You might as well be farting farting with a walkman on

I know you're gonna blame me when you get wind
I heard you're full of shit so i've been duped again
But if you cover your ass with the same old song
You might as well be farting farting with a walkman on

Give me a fuckin' break

Farting with a walkman on
Farting with a walkman on
Farting with a walkman on
Farting with a walkman on

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn
Burn motherfucker burn

Hello my name is Jimmy Pop and I'm a dumb white guy
I'm not old or new but middle school fifth grade like junior high
I don't know mofo if y'all peeps be buggin' give props to my ho cause she fly
But I can take the heat cause I'm the other white meat known as 'Kid Funky Fry'
Yeah I'm hung like planet Pluto hard to see with the naked eye
But if I crashed into Uranus I would stick it where the sun don't shine
Cause I'm kind of like Han Solo always stroking my own wookie
I'm the root of all that's evil yeah but you can call me cookie
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn
Burn motherfucker burn

Yo yo this hard-core ghetto gangster image takes a lot of practice
I'm not black like Barry White no I am white like Frank Black is
So if man is five and the devil is six than that must make me seven
This honkey's gone to heaven
But if I go to hell well then I hope I burn well
I'll spend my days with J.F.K., Marvin Gaye, Martha Raye, and Lawrence Welk
King Kurt Cobain, Kojak, Mark Twain and Jimi Hendrix's poltergeist
And Webster yeah Emmanuel Lewis cause he's the anti-christ
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn
Burn motherfucker burn

these jackhaeds are awsome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everybody here we go
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Throw your hands in the air
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Wave 'em like you don't care
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Everbody say ho
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Everybody here we go

C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Throw your hands in the air
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Wave 'em like you don't care
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Everbody say ho
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Everybody here we go

C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Throw your hands in the air
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Wave 'em like you don't care
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Everbody say ho
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Everybody here we go

Step back cause the bass is fuzzin'
Bloodhound Gang bangs more than the dirty dozen
Alley oop here comes the slam i know where I stand
I'm feelin' like Anthrax cause you know O'm the man
Yea I dug your dame but all I did was kiss her
But I got to second base with your mom and your sister
I'll wipe the grin off your face like I was a can of Windex
I threw a right I threw a right was I live or Memorex
Go down down deep deep in and out quick
Cause I'm harder than Chinese arithmetic
Now my fist is in your face cause you stood in my way
You tried to talk your shit and your ass got paid
I get stupid like the mongoloid Corky
Welcome to McDonald's may I take your order
Cause I'm cold kicken' lyrics like my arm was on fire
Like Pinnochio my nose don't grow cause I ain't no liar

Go down go down to get it up get it up
Go down go down to get it up y'all

Clap it on clap it off sniff my exhaust
Cause i got more steps than Barishnikov
Like a pirouette, a pirouette, a pair of wet jeans
You don't understand but your girl knows what I mean
So I kicks my lines kind of complex
A text of intricate words and other spoken effects
Like a preacher on the mount teaching things he doesn't follow
When you tried to hit the brake but pushed on the throttle
Mr. Goody Two Shoes picture the scenario
Your girl blew me as I blew your stereo
And I gots more bass than a baseball diamond
Don't put me on your chalkboard cause I'm not down with Simon
Sonic boom in your room assume you're not there
Booty licken' nugget picken' with your dad downstairs
Love is just a fallacy I got more force than gravity
I can run all night like an Energizer battery

Go down go down to get it up get it up
Go down go down to get it up y'all

Alright now boys and girls we've got another story for you now!
We want to introduce to you another friend of the Bible!


Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

If I were God there would be no explicit sex on TV.
Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt B.

If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols.
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible.
Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2"
If I were God that's what I'd do, Heavens no

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything.
Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing.

If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with flip-flops.
Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap
Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins, thou shall not cut "Footloose"
If I were God that's what I'd do, Heavens no

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
I'll tell them I found Jesus, that should throw them off
He goes by the name Jesus(hay-suse) and steals hub caps from cars
Oh Jesus can I borrow your crow-bar?
To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt
Crucified and all I got was this lousy T-shirt
"I Can't Believe It's Not butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
So vote for me for savior and you'll go to Heaven
Your lame Dark Lord like Kevin Spacey in "Seven"
With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks
You just can't teach an old God new tricks
But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?
If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
Just put some crummy "holier than thou" facade
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God.